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The Jesuses/When Life Turns you Turbo
When Life Turns you Turbo is the ninth episode of the third season of The Jesuses. Synopsis Satan 2 embarrasses Matt for his crush on Paula in front of everyone, and he gets so upset he becomes Turbo Matt and terrorizes the town. Transcript (Jesus Two and Jesus Four are sitting at a table outside a cafe, enjoying coffee and croissants.) Jesus Four: So like, our drummer is sick, so tonights band practice was cancelled. So I got nothing to do tonight. Boring. Jesus Two: I'm probably gonna watch Fat Dog Mendoza with the others. Again. Jesus Four: We do that almost every night. Jesus Two: Yeah. It would be cool if we watched some other shows. (Matt Major walks by with a coffee and a muffin when he notices the two.) Matt Major: Hey guys! Fancy seeing you here! Jesus Two: Hey Matt! We were just talking about how boring and repetitive life can be sometimes. Matt Major: Ha, I'm bored, too. I hope something interesting happens today. (Satan 2 appears in an explosion in the middle of the street.) Matt Major: That's not what I meant. Jesus Two: Hoo boy. Satan 2: Hey, losers. Jesus Four: Ugh, can you, like, not today? We're trying to enjoy a nice boring day. Satan 2: Oh come on, you said you were bored! And truth be told, so am I, so I'm here to cause some mayhem. Matt Major: Can you make it quick? I have somewhere to be soon. Satan 2: Oh? What's the rush? Matt Major: Yeah, it's a place called "not here". Jesus Four: Nice one, dude. Satan 2: I beg to differ! Jesus Four: Cool. Satan 2: So, you're probably wondering, (in condescending tone) "oh, what kind of mayhem is she going to cause?", (normal voice) right? Well- Jesus Two: None of us were wondering that. Satan 2: Did I ask? (Matt shrugs) Matt Major: I'm gonna go now. Jesus 4: To where? (Matt Major blushes) Matt Major: Well.... Jesus 2: Hey, why are you blushing? (Matt Major freezes) Satan 2: Looks like someone got a crush! Matt Major: No I don't! Satan 2: So, who is it? Matt Major: Well, I- I, uh, Jesus Four: Satan, that's none of your business, man. Satan 2: I'm Satan! Everything's my business! And if the dog boy doesn't tell me himself, I'll just use my demon powers to pry the information right out of him! Jesus Two: You're bullying a young man for something that doesn't even affect you? That's lame. Aren't you supposed to be convincing people to sin or something? Satan 2: Hey! I can have more than one hobby! (A small crowd is forming around the four.) Matt Major: (quietly) Y'know, I'm just gonna go now, so- Satan 2: Oh no you don't! (Satan 2 possesses Matt with her demon powers.) Satan 2: Spill it. Matt Major: I love Paula Fox. She is the light of my life. I think about her every hour. I would be lost without her. Satan 2: Ha! Matt's got a crush on Paula! (Matt, ashamed, runs off, crying) (It cuts to his mind; Matt is seen looking at a cage in his mind. It breaks, revealing....Matt, but a bit different.) Matt Major: Who are YOU? ???: Names Turbo Matt, T.Matt for short. No, you want to get revenge on Satan 2 for revealing your crush? Matt Major: Yes. But what are you gonna do about it? T.Matt: (Laughs evilly) Just watch. (T.Matt flings Matt into the cage and locks it) Matt: Hey! T.Matt: Hey, I'll help you get revenge. (It comes back to reality, with T.Matt being unleashed) T.Matt: Watch out Saint Anthony's Bay. T.Matt's in town! (Cut to the local Costco®) (T.Matt bursts through the doors, flying.) (T.Matt lands on the ground and turns to a store clerk.) T.Matt: Where are the snack aisles? Clerk: Over there, aisles four through nine. T.Matt: Thanks. (T.Matt flies off toward the snacks.) (T.Matt starts swallowing snack bags whole.) Stockboy: Anything I can help you with today, sir? T.Matt: (still eating) Nah, I'm good. Stockboy: Alright, tell me if you need anything. T.Matt: Cool, thanks. (continues eating) (Cut to Jesus Four and Jesus Two walking down a street.) Jesus Four: Oh man, I hope Matt's okay. Jesus Two: Yeah. Where could he have gone? Did he go home? Jesus Four: Possibly. (The Costco comes into their view.) Jesus Four: Hey, there's the Costco! Jesus Two: Four, no, don't get distracted. (Jesus Four dashes towards the front doors.) Jesus Two: Sigh. (Jesus Two chases after him.) (Inside Costco, Four comes across One, Five, and Six shopping for baking supplies.) Jesus Four: Hey dudes! Funny seeing you here. Jesus Five: Yeah, we ran out of just about all of the baking essentials, so I'm stocking up. Jesus One: I'm here to help out if he needs it! Jesus Six: I'm here because I had nothing else to do today. (Jesus Two runs up to them) Jesus Two: Hey, hav you guys by any chance seen Matt today? He ran off and we're trying to find him and make sure he's okay. Jesus Six: Nah. Jesus Five: I haven't, sorry. Jesus One: I didn't see Matt, but guess what? I saw some goth guy who kinda looked like him in the chip aisle! He was just sitting on the ground swallowing whole bags of them. It was wild. (A large explosion is heard.) Jesus Two: Oh lord, I hope that's not Satan 2 again. Jesus Four: I've had enough of that dude. Jesus Six: Let's go check it out. (The five Jesuses go towards the explosion.) (They see the ruined snack aisle.) Jesus Four: This is a crime against me personally. Jesus Two: Hey One, is that the guy you saw? (Jesus Two points to T.Matt, who is pouring toothpaste on a guy.) Jesus One: Wow, there he is! (T.Matt blows a hole in the store wall with his turbo powers and flies away.) Jesus Two: Yeah, we should probably do something about this. Jesus Five: We need to catch that guy! Jesus One: We need to clean up the store! Jesus Six: What? No let Dad take care of that. Jesus Two: I don't think he would like us bothering him for something like that. Jesus Six: HEY DAD! (God appears.) God: Yes, child? Jesus Six: We need you to clean up the store. God: You kids need to clean up your own messes. Jesus Two: We didn't do it, though. Jesus Five: Yeah, it was some powerful goth guy. God: ... God: Whatever. (God snaps His fingers, and the store becomes pristine again.) God: Don't bother me again today. (God disappears.) Jesus Two: We're gonna bother him again today. Jesus Five: Definitely. Jesus One: So how are you gonna find that guy? (A brief silence.) Jesus Six: HEY DAD! (God appears.) God: What did I tell you? Jesus One: We need your help to catch that goth guy. Jesus Five: Also, can you bring Three here? We need him, too. (God snaps His fingers and Jesus Three appears.) (Jesus Three is eating nachos.) Jesus Three: Uhh, hey guys. Jesus One: Dad, use your God powers to find out who trashed the Costco! God: (Sighs) Oh well, I had nothing else to do today. (A brief silence.) God: He went to the square downtown. He's blowing stuff up again. Jesus Six: Okay, let's go. (The Jesuses run downtown. Along the way, they come across Darrell and Fink.) Jesus One: Heya, guys! Won't you join us on our quest to fight some demon guy? Fink: You kiddin? I love fighting demons! Darrell: Eh, I got nothing else to do today. (The Jesuses, Darrell, and Fink arrive at the square downtown. T.Matt is destroying stuff. People are running and screaming.) Jesus Six: Hey, anyone else think that guy looks kinda like Matt? Jesus Two: Oh no, of course! That is Matt! Satan must have got to him! Jesus One: We gotta save him! (T.Matt turns around) T.Matt: Names not Matt anymore. It’s Turbo Matt. T.Matt for short. (Satan 2 shows up in an explosion.) Satan 2: What's up nerds, I'm here to watch the throwdown. (The Jesuses and friends collectively groan.) (Insert fight scene here. T.Matt defeats the Jesuses and friends. Satan 2 watches.) Jesus Three: I just don't know what do to! Jesus One: I know the real Matt is still in there somewhere! We couldn't get through to him, but maybe there's someone who can. Jesus Four: You mean? Jesus One: That's right! Paula Fox! Jesus Six: How are we gonna find her? Jesus Two: I know how! GOD! (God appears) God: What is it, for the LAST TIME? Jesus Two: Can you teleport Paula Fox to us? God: Why? Jesus Two: Because she’s the only person who could save T.Matt the town. God: (Sighs) Ok. (God teleports Paula to the location they are in) Paula Fox: Huh?! How did I get here? Jesus One: No time to explain! You're the only one who can save Matt! T.Matt: Wait, what? Jesus One: Paula! You must save Matt! Paula Fox: But I have several questions! Jesus One: We’ll answer them later! Now go on, save Matt! (The Jesuses push Paula to T.Matt) T.Matt: (Laughs evilly) How can you stop me? Paula: Matt..... T.Matt: The Matt you know is GONE! I’m in control now. Paula: But the Matt I always knew is in there! (For a moment, T.Matt glitches to Matt for a moment, but switches back.) Paula: (Jumps up to T.Matt and hugs him.) I love you. T.Matt/Matt: No! NO! No.... (T.Matt is gone, and Matt is back to normal.) (The Jesuses and friends cheer.) Satan 2: Huh? How did that happen? Jesus One: It's called love, Satan. Something you wouldn't understand. Satan 2: Can I be real? I have no idea what's going on. God: Hey, New Satan. Can you, like, get lost? Satan 2: Fine. You guys are boring me anyway. (Satan 2 disappears in an explosion.) Matt Major: AH! Paula! You're hugging me? Paula Fox: Yep. (Matt is blushing hard, and he can't speak.) Paula Fox: Everything's okay. You're safe now. Matt Major: What happened? God: You and your friends caused a lot of trouble. Again. Jesus One: Dad, don't ruin the moment! Jesus Six: It was all Satan's fault, anyway. Matt Major: Did you mean what you said, Paula? Do you really love me? Paula Fox: Of course. I could never lie to you. Matt: I’m sorry. I didn’t intend any of this to happen. Paula: It wasn’t your fault. Let’s just blame it on Satan 2 for this. (Matt and Paula hug) The end Category:The Jesuses